MST3K Episode #516 - Alien From L.A.

My, my, my. Kathy Ireland (the queen of Sports Illustrated) stars in this incredibly stupid movie. So Kathy Ireland is a geeky nerd (what the hell!?) with the most annoying voice in the world. Her mom is dead, her dad is an explorer and hasn't seen her in 10 years and her boyfriend just broke up with her. Could things get much worse?

Then she finds out her dad has died also while on an archaeological dig in Africa...? I don't think it's ever explained where he disappeared/died. So off Kathy goes to find her missing/deceased father. When she gets to Africa, she goes into the tomb site where her dad supposedly died and ends up falling into a portal that takes her where...?

THE LOST CITY OF ATLANTIS!!! Doesn't that sound marvelous? Too bad "Atlantis" is a bunch of sewer-type subway post-apocalyptic warehouses connected by stone caverns with mist flying everywhere (so cliche, isn't it?). So she's running around, trying to find to find her dad, while being hunted down as an "alien from the surface" or "big bone girl".

I mean, this movie is just stupid. The premise is stupid and the whole delivery is just plain annoying. It's so 80s too that it almost makes you sick. Whoever got the great idea to have Kathy Ireland (remember, this is KATHY IRELAND we're talking about here) be a nerd with an incredibly high voice who goes on a journey to Atlantis to find a father she doesn't even know was an absolute moron. I mean, any fool could come up with this.

Here, how about this. Tom Hanks is a mute paraplegic who's wife divorces him. His daughter, played by none other than Uwe Boll favorite, Tara Reid, is kidnapped by the Yakuza in a drug cartel (Reid is a heroine addict in the film who's missing her left arm) accident gone horribly wrong. So Hanks gets together with some old buddy from Vietnam, Sylvester Stallone, to take on the whole nation of Japan. But when he gets there, he falls through a time portal and has to save his daughter from a tyrant samurai ninja warlord.

What do you think?