The Most Incredible Halloween Cake Ever

I made this cake for Halloween. Now I am certainly not a huge fan of the Barefoot Contessa (who, disgustingly enough, named her show after the film about the fictional Spanish sex symbol, Maria Vargas, who coincidentally enough, was based after Rita Hayworth, an absolute BOMBSHELL, the exact opposite of Ina Garten), but I must say that this was probably the best cake I've ever had IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. It was absolutely amazing. The frosting too is incredibly decadent, I had to use only half of it on the cake, but it was still unbelievable. Absolutely delicious. Here's the recipe:

• 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 cups good cocoa powder
• 2 1/4 teaspoons baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/2 pound (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup light brown sugar, packed
• 3 extra-large eggs, at room temperature
• 3 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups buttermilk, at room temperature
• 3/4 cup sour cream, at room temperature
• 3 tablespoons brewed coffee
• 1 recipe Orange Buttercream, recipe follows

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter and flour a 12 by 18 by 1 1/2-inch sheet pan.

In a medium bowl, sift together the flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugars on high speed until light, approximately 5 minutes. Add the eggs and vanilla and mix well. Combine the buttermilk, sour cream, and coffee. On low speed, add the flour mixture and the buttermilk mixture alternately in thirds, beginning with the buttermilk mixture and ending with the flour mixture. Mix the batter only until blended.

Pour the batter into the prepared sheet pan, smooth the top with a spatula, and bake in the center of the oven for 25 to 30 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. Cool to room temperature before frosting.

Orange Buttercream:

2 cups sugar

2/3 cup water

6 extra-large egg whites, at room temperature

1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar

1 1/4 pounds (5 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature

2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

3 tablespoons Triple Sec or other orange liqueur

1 tablespoon orange food coloring

Combine the sugar with 2/3 cup water in a medium heavy-bottomed saucepan and, without stirring, bring to a boil. Cover the saucepan and allow the mixture to boil until the sugar dissolves. Uncover and continue boiling until the mixture reaches 240 degrees F on a candy thermometer. Pour the syrup into a heat-proof measuring cup.

Place the egg whites and cream of tartar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment and beat on high speed until the eggs form stiff peaks. With the mixer on high speed, slowly pour the syrup into the egg whites. Continue beating on high speed until the mixture is absolutely at room temperature, about 10 to 15 minutes.

With the mixer on medium speed, add the butter, 1 tablespoon at a time, and then add the vanilla and liqueur. (If the mixture becomes runny, the meringue was too warm and the butter melted. Chill slightly and beat again.) Add the food coloring and combine.

Terra & Kefka in Final Fantasy Dissidia

They released some new scans this week of Final Fantasy Dissidia. The biggest revelation here is the shots of both Terra's and Kefka's EX Forms, which are absolutely unbelievable. There's also a new video showing and explaining the EX Forms of Squall and Zidane. Interesting stuff!

MST3K Episode #519 - Outlaw

What can I say about this movie? Well, let's first start with the movie's preconception. The movie's title is actually "Outlaw of Gor" and takes place in a fictional Counter-Earth called Gor. The Chronicles of Gor series is a series of science fiction/fantasy novels/philosophy books written by John Norman, a philosophy professor. The series is known for two things. The first is the Chronicle's science fiction stories interlaced with philosophical ideology and bondage-based erotica. The second is it's subculture that actually tries to live out these philosophical ideologies and bondage erotica rituals. In the series, the philosophies and the pornographic behavior are integrated into each other to form the lifestyle of the Goreans, the people who populate the planet of Gor. The internet based on-line subculture that follows the "Gorean" lifestyle listed in the books also call themselves Goreans.

The series is almost like 90210, The Republic, Marquis de Sade (not going to be linked, too pornographic), and Star Wars combined. Try to imagine the plotline of Star Wars as stories about Luke Skywalker, giving dialogues about slavery, freedom, the universe, Darwinian evolution, and communism all while having various perverted sexual relationships with free women and his sex slaves. Wow, doesn't that sound like pure garbage?

You can tell John Norman thinks he's a really clever guy, mixing romance novel/pornographic fantasy situations with big philosophical concepts and Conan the Barbarian-esque action. Really, all he's doing is appealing to the perverseness of geeks/nerds everywhere who read sword and sorcery science-fiction or fantasy.

I mean, one thing that's absolutely never even remotely spoken about is the fact that works like this really appeal to science fiction audiences because of how socially awkard they can be. Go to any Blizzcon, Comic-Con, or any other science fiction based gathering and you'll realize that some of these people are freaks! Couple their absolute lostness in their fantasy mental realm with any type of normal desires any human would have, twisted by social inability and absolute frailty, and what do you have? The perfect candidate for this type of crap.

Think about this in relation to the "Goreans". You're 30 years old. You're a couple hundred pounds overweight. Your mom and dad split up when you were six. You live alone and have been made fun of (often so cruelly, it's been absolutely unbearable) since you were about eight years old. You've been pretending you're Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja, Xena, or some other barbaric science-fiction weirdo since you were twelve and you've never quite come out of it. You have a job, which pays for you to live somewhere and your (usually fast) food, along with your toy collection (which you started at 8 years old), your comic book and science fiction movie collection, and your monthly subscription to EverQuest and WoW. When you see a book that provides you with the fantasy role you insert yourself in also with the sexual situations you wish you were in, you're going to be incredibly attracted to it. It's going to live out another part of your fantasy beside the running around, being handsome, manly, strong and important.

The funny part is that this has NOTHING to do with Joseph Campbell's pyschological undertones of the Hero With A Thousand Faces. These people are not relating to heroes by being psychologically connected with the symbolic representations of the emotions/experiences that all humankind relate to on a subconscious level. The people who engage in these Gorean subcultures are so far removed from reality that they try to make their fantasies manifest in reality by believing that they're something they're not. In a sense, these Gorean subcultures are filled with people who are completely in denial.

Having set this foundation, let's look at the actual movie, "Outlaw of Gor".

THIS MOVIE SUCKS. The main character's name is mentioned 55 times in the opening ten minutes. When I watched it, I was like, "Are you kidding me?" Considering all the MST3K movies tend to be really bad, it comes as no real surprise that this movie is awful. This movie is also a disgusting man-flesh feast. At the end of the movie, MST3K plays back all the male crotch shots of the entire movie all in a row. I'm telling you, absolute hilarity.

The movie is actually a sequel to the B movie super-flop, "Gor". It's main star, Jack Palance, isn't even in one of the lead roles, he plays a bad wizard, who's banished near the end of the movie anyway. So everything starts with probably one of the most annoying movie characters ever, college professor Watney Smith, played by legendary actor, Russel Savadier, who coincidentally was also in another big-time winner, Alien From LA. So Watney is seen in the beginning of the movie, chasing down girls in a pathetic 80s bar. The main character, Tarl Cabot, whose name says everything, is a lonely professor who's in the bar with some sort of big, ugly, magic 25 cent machine plastic ring. So Watney, being the pathetic, ugly guy he is, can't get a girl, so he sees his fellow professor, Tarl Cabot (what kind of stupid name is Tarl anyway? It's almost like John Norman took the name Carl Tabot and just switched the first letters and thought, "Wow, this is kind of Science Fition-ish.") also sitting in the bar alone.

After a bit of banter, they decide to go to some other awful 80s bar when they're mysteriously warped by Tarl's ring to the land of Gor. The funniest part is you never actually see anything at all, they're just sitting in the car with lights flashing outside the car and then it cuts to them being in the middle of the desert. Pathetic.

So here they are in Gor, and Cabot is extremely excited that he's back, as I guess he was there in the previous movie and apparently had to leave. This is where the movie gets stupid (boy, you thought it sounded stupid before!). They go into the city, where Cabot is known as a hero and they're welcomed into the castle. Apparently, the king, who loves Cabot, wants Cabot to rule as king after he dies and marry his daughter, who Cabot is in love with. But the king has an evil new wife who ends up sleeping with Watney (disgusting) and poisoning the king, then stabbing him to death, because apparently she wants to rule the kingdom? I don't know, her motives are never really explained. Anyway, Watney helps her frame Cabot and Cabot then escapes the city with a blonde midget (who they show more crotch shots of than anyone else in the entire movie).

This is where everything gets hazy. They free some slave girl and she ends up trying to be Cabot's love slave. Then they get captured by bounty hunters and are brought back to the castle. They end up fighting in some type of wanna-be colliseum-esque thing and Watney comes out and says that the queen killed the king, not Cabot. Some slave throws a spear in the queen and boom, done.

I mean, it's sad that you can pretty much summarize the entire movie in just four or five sentences, but that's it. But at least now you know there's another stupid internet community based on these terrible books (and even worse movies).

Hilarious random fact: "Gor art" is a top search on google image. ROFL.

Terra Revealed in FF Dissidia

Check this out, folks. I've updated my previous post on Final Fantasy Dissidia to include this picture of Terra's Esper form. Anyway, this shows fuller art of both Terra and Kefka, along with the first shot of Terra's EX Form. Too bad we can't see Kefka's EX Form, though I think it might be too amazing to see. No new information from that scan yet though, we'll see if there's any new info if it ever gets translated.

2nd Draft Thanksgiving Menu

French Onion Soup with Cheese (We'll probably use Gruyere rather than Swiss)
Caesar Salad (Fresh Green Salad)
Turkey Giblet Stock (For use in the French Onion Soup along with Beef Stock)
Buttermilk and Apple Cider Brined Turkey with Truffled Herb Butter
Pan Dripping Turkey Gravy
Cranberry Sauce (Probably use orange rather than tangerine)
Buttermilk Spelt Biscuits
Green Beans with Bacon and Mushroom
Grandma Audra's Stuffing (Sacred old family recipe)
Mashed Cauliflower (Will probably be more of a variation of the bottom recipe)
Mashed Potatoes with Cream Cheese (Will use sour cream rather than heavy whipping cream)
Spiced Vanilla Gelato (Autumnal vanilla gelato)
Bittersweet Caramel Gelato (May include pecans with this)
Triple Chocolate Pumpkin Pie
Traditional Pumpkin Pie with Butterscotch Cream

LMN - Nightmare At The End Of The Hall

So I was lucky because this movie was on right after "You Belong To Me". This is probably one of the best LMN movies I've ever seen. But that's not really saying too much, since most of what LMN plays is just absolute garbage.

So the ultimate spectacular star of this wonderful horror/thriller jaunt is Sara Rue, whose only role I can vaguely remember is the slightly overweight girl in the failed teen drama series, Popular. So the movie is told in a rather confusing sort of way with series of flashbacks happening as the plot moves forward, letting the viewer know more about the past as the story progresses. It makes it hard to ultimately re-tell the story without completely giving it away right from the beginning.

But alas, I am indeed charged with this burdensome task, so I will do my best. Okay, so Sara's character, Courtney, is a some-what famous novelist. She wrote a book based off her experiences in college. In college, she had two friends, who were boyfriend and girlfriend, Jane (played by Jacqueline Wood) and Brett (played by Kavan Smith). The film is largely based around the fact that Jane mysteriously committed suicide (I think there's suicide in every Lifetime Movie somewhere in the film...) without leaving any type of suicide note or reason why she did.

So Sara, twenty years later, decides to go back to the college to finally face her demons and become fine with her friend's death. She gets a job at the school, teaching a writing class, but when she finds out where she's going to live, it's in her old dorm room from her college days. Now she's the Resident Adviser in the very dorm where her friend committed suicide, just down the hall (WHERE THE NIGHTMARE HAPPENED... *scary laugh echoes through your mind*). So she's getting all the rooms prepped for when the students arrive when she walks down to the room where Jane committed suicide (which was a storage closet when Jane died, but now has been renovated into a dorm room) and a girl opens the door who looks exactly like Jane. Freaked out, she learns the girl's name is Laurel (also played by Jacqueline McInnes Wood) and that Laurel has a lot of problems.

Later, she runs into Jane's old boyfriend, Brett, at the store, who immediately dispenses with the pleasantries and starts hitting on Sara right away. For some weird reason (which is explained later...), Sara ends up running away.

Anyway, the next hour of the movie kind of just drones on. Throughout the semester, weird things keep happening with Laurel. She apparently sleepwalks, often coming into Sara's room, quoting Jane. Sara sees visions of Jane at school parties and keeps having more and more problems with Laurel, often times relating to Jane. At one point, Laurel, who's actually in one of Sara's classes, turns in a paper that Jane wrote when Sara and Jane were in school together. Sara begins to suspect that Laurel has done this and all the other things just to be cruel to her throughout the semester, trying to undermine Sara and make her look crazy.

As all of this is happening, romance is also blossoming, very strangely, I might add, between Sara and Brett. As revealed in the flashbacks, we find out that not everything was so peachy-keen between Brett and Jane back in college. We find out that Brett was actually cheating on Jane with Sara, who Brett was actually terribly in love with. So this is where the love triangle is introduced and it's explained why the romance between Sara and Brett has been so hard all this time.

So Brett is the star of the entire college. He gets good grades, plays every sport, his dad is a a teacher at the school and he's also Jane's counselor. We find out Brett's dad has a lot to do with Brett's activities, as he is constantly pushing Brett to be the perfect son and be the best. Jane is widely regarded as being the prettiest girl in school, also with the best grades. So the dating romance started between Brett and Jane seemed like the "perfect match". Later on, however, we find out that Brett falls deeply in love with Jane's best friend, Sara. He doesn't want to be with Jane at all, but feels pressured by his dad to be with her, as they make the "perfect couple".

So, when she was in college, during the time she's cheating with Brett, Sara fills out an application to go to Oxford so she can further her writing. Later, Jane tells her that she has also applied for Oxford (alluding to the apparent struggle between the two for Brett). Sara is surprised by this and then even more surprised to find out that Jane has apparently got in and that Sara hasn't. This is even furthered by the fact that Brett's dad, Jane's counselor, lets Sara know that Jane has indeed been accepted to Oxford.

So back in the present, while Sara and Brett's romance is being furthered along, they make a pact never to mention Jane again, as it is too disturbing to their present romantic involvement (which is really just a continuation of their relationship that they had in college). But Sara has already contacted Oxford to find out if Jane really did attend Oxford. Later, Oxford contacts her back and lets her know that Jane never really attended Oxford, she never even applied.

This is where the movie has it's biggest twists, which really aren't that big. Sara starts to question Brett about him having contact with Jane while she was at Oxford and realizes that Brett never once contacted Jane, Jane only contacted him. All this was happening while Sara and Brett had their most amorous romance, because of the absence of Jane. Sara then begins to realize that something must have happened to Jane for her to fake going to Oxford. She then remembers that when Jane was supposedly back from Oxford, she was going to tell Sara some big news, right before they graduated. But three days before graduation is when Jane committed suicide and she never got to tell Sara the big news. Sara asks Brett if he ever found out, but he tells her he was unable to because the day Jane was going to tell him, he was in the locker room fooling around with Sara (yikes!).

So this is all realized as the stupidest/most unrealistic part of the movie happens. In a possessed-by-Jane sleepwalking stupor, Laurel sleepwalks into Brett's dad's house in the middle of the night (where Brett's dad was is never explained) and finds Jane's old journal. She then comes out of her trance and reads that (gasp!) JANE WAS PREGNANT! The reason she faked going to Oxford is because she was pregnant with Brett's daughter! Just as she reads this, Brett's dad comes in, explaining (DUN DUN DUH!!!) that he killed Jane! He killed her because she was pregnant with his granddaughter and he couldn't allow Brett to father this child because it would have messed up his plans for his son's life (remember how Brett's dad is possessive over him, wanting him to be perfect?). So while Sara and Brett had their last night of romance in the locker room, Brett's dad was killing Jane, staging it as a suicide. He then took his granddaughter and put her up for adoption.

As Laurel is hearing all this, Brett's dad goes into a psychotic trance, believing Laurel to be Jane, and starts to say "I'm going to kill you again, Jane!" Now here's another ridiculous part of the movie, Laurel escapes and runs back to the college, somehow. She runs to her room, where Sara has just figured out the mystery and checks a phone message she got from Laurel which says, "Jane was pregnant and Brett's dad killed her! I know the truth and now Brett's dad is after me!" Sara freaks out and runs to Laurel's room (where Jane supposedly hung herself) and finds that Brett's dad is now hanging Laurel. She gets him off of her, but Laurel passes out. Then Brett's dad starts to hang Sara, when Laurel is possessed again (for the 50th time in one movie) by Jane and gets Brett's dad off Sara. He then takes her down and luckily Brett comes running in, saving Laurel and Sara from his dad.

The movie ends with Brett's dad being taken away in a cop car and Sara explaining to Brett that Laurel is indeed his daughter, the daughter of him and Jane, which explains why she looks exactly like Jane. The movie ends with an embrace of Sara, Laurel, and Brett.

Awww..... the perfect family.

Kitchen Nightmares Tonight!

Finally! After a five week hiatus, Kitchen Nightmares is finally back on TV tonight! Tonight's episode is "J Willy's". As you may know, Kitchen Nightmares is an American adaption of the British show, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares. RKN is one of my favorite shows, EVER. Last year, I downloaded the British shows the day after they aired in the UK. That's how obsessed I am with the show.

Gordon Ramsay is just awesome. Last week, I made his Butternut Squash Soup recipe, which I also adapted into a Pumpkin Soup recipe. It's become a yearly tradition to make the soup, it's absolutely delicious! Gordon Ramsay knows so much about food, it's absolutely ridiculous. I love his sense of what he calls "Modern Rustic Dishes". Anyway, I can't wait to watch tonight!

Here are some of my favorite clips of Ramsay:

LMN - You Belong To Me

I couldn't really fall asleep a couple nights ago so I decided to turn on my favorite channel, LMN (Lifetime Movie Network). This little gem was on.

Let me tell you, this movie is BAD. Shannon Elizabeth, best known for her awful nudie roles, plays a single mother of a young child. Her husband, whose name was something outrageous like Fabian or Lucius or something, apparently was extremely violent, which is hilarious, because it has nothing to do with the story whatsoever. So Shannon is being stalked by someone, who she believes must be her ex-husband.

Random things start happening, her poetry book is often left on the floor, open to pages with threatening love poems, she's being left flowers constantly at her office, her boyfriend is attacked and almost killed while he's working underneath his car and things from around her house start to go missing. Meanwhile, at work, a friend of hers, Chris, who's played by Christian Campbell, husband of ultra Canadian craptastic actress, Neve Campbell, starts to appear to be taking a romantic interest in her. However, this is no big surprise though as she flirts RELENTLESSLY with him, letting him take her out to dinner and lunch and also taking him to dinner and lunch, even though she has a boyfriend (the guy who got stuck under the car). He tries to give her a sacred Irish necklace, which belonged to his mother, but she refuses.

Shannon finally starts to put it together that Chris could be the stalker, as he's often quoted the poetry that he leaves in her room at night to scare her when they're out at dinner, but stupidly accepts a ride from him to "go get some coffee" on a rainy night. He drives her out to a cliff (where his mother supposedly committed suicide) and tries to push her off out of his love for her, again quoting poetry lines like "I'll love you even after death." But in a strange twist of fate, Shannon manages to push him off the cliff, leaving his sacred Irish necklace on the edge of the cliff.

Okay, so far, this is all acceptably believable. Having said that, this movie probably should have ended here. But no, here's where the movie turns insanely stupid. So she goes back to her house with her son and some other girl (Her sister maybe..? I don't know if it's ever explained.) and tries to fall asleep that night. She can't though, as a vase on her desk flies out of nowhere at her. She also finds the same poetry book on the floor, with the page turned to the "I'll love you even after death" poem, with a picture of her and Chris.

Yep, you guessed it. Chris is now haunting/stalking her from beyond the grave. She meets with a psychic who believes she was surrounded by dark energy in the beginning of the movie, who tells Shannon that she needs to get a picture of Chris, some kind of personal object of his, then roll it up in some copy of an ancient scroll and burn it when Chris appears to her out on the cliff, where his power is "the most strong".

I mean, are you kidding me? This was just such an incredibly stupid idea! I couldn't believe it when she had to roll up what looks like an old newspaper but is supposed to be some kind of magic scroll and burn it. It's also revealed that Shannon looks exactly like Chris' divorced mother did who committed suicide, alluding to some type of time warp cycle where Shannon is Chris' divorced mother, as Shannon has also has a son who looks like Chris. But this is never actually developed or explained, just left completely open. What a terrible movie. And it seems Shannon can't manage to do any type of role without taking her clothes off, as she sleeps with her boyfriend who just got out of the hospital, almost being killed by the car falling on him, while his arm is in a sling and he has however many broken ribs! SHEER STUPIDITY!

MST3K Episode #203 - Jungle Goddess

George Reeves, TV's Superman, stars in this absolute winner. So George is an airplane pilot along with his partner, Bob. They're hanging out in some bar somewhere when they find out about a prize for bringing back a girl from the (Amazon?) jungle, dead or alive. George and Bob argue for a bit, George doesn't want to go. They finally decide to go and they somehow land their plane in the middle of the jungle!?

So when they land, a group of "African natives" arrive and try to capture them. George's brilliant partner, Bob, has a gun and shoots one of them, killing him. They're then dragged back to the village where they meet a... (gasp!) WHITE WOMAN! Low and behold, it's the woman they're looking for! She is the leader of the village and decides that Bob should be killed in a few days as a sacrifice. They put him in a prison hut, which looks more like giant straw hat. Over the next few days, the woman reveals that she is the "Jungle Goddess" because before World War 2, she was in a plane that crash landed in Africa and was found by the natives who immediately thought she was a god. Together, George and the Jungle Goddess plot a way for all three of them to escape the village to go back to Colorado. Bob develops "jungle fever" from being in the jungle too long and goes crazy. He tries to escape by himself using his gun but ends up creating more trouble for them. George and the Jungle Goddess rush into the jungle to get to the plane before Bob, and they end up fighting each other along the way.

This is the most hackneyed storyline I've ever heard. The acting is so bad too that it's just forgettable. Although the MST3K crew did a good job making this episode funny. It's definitely worth watching, although definitely drags through some parts, even with the MST3K humor.

Losing Weight...

I've been watching the Biggest Loser for the past couple years. What a great show. My wife and I are now going to the gym every weekday. I'm going to update the blog every Tuesday and put up my weight. Yesterday, my weight was:

200 Lbs.

Yikes! In college, I was down to 168 lbs, I think. But I don't think I have seriously 30 lbs of fat. I have been working out on and off though for the past 2 years but I'm hopefully going to start losing bigger numbers in these next few weeks.

I'll keep you posted!

MST3K Episode #K10 - Cosmic Princess

Wow. Where to start with this one. Hmmm...

Well, Martin Landau, best known for his role as Rollin Hand in the original Mission Impossible series, stars as the captain of a space ship. Him and his crew are out searching for minerals on different planets and stumble across a planet they believe to be uninhabited. They take a space shuttle down to the planet to collect minerals and land in a space ship grave yard. When they go inside, they meet a bizarro fat-Elvis period Orson Welles wanna-be king named Mentor and his daughter. His daughter is the Cosmic Princess in the title, I believe. Anyway, he wants to somehow turn Martin and his crew into shapeless blob slaves by stealing their liquid brain matter and putting it into glass Otter Pop tubes. This is supposed to save his world from being destroyed by volcanoes and make the world reborn into a new world.

Somehow, Martin and his crew see a group of slaves working away under the surface of the planet. Martin then realizes the king is bad and tricks him by telling his crew that they should self-destruct the ship rather than land on the planet, making the king furious. He throws them in jail, but Martin then exposes Mentor's daughter to the cruel slavery which she didn't know existed while she's down in the prison, trying to negotiate with Martin. She then helps them to escape their prison and Martin goes on a rampage, smashing up the Otter Pop room, somehow blowing up the planet? Anyway, they grab the princess and race off the planet. This is where the movie SHOULD have ended.

But no, it continues onward. So they are exploring the universe when they find an abandoned space ship. Martin and a few of his crew shuttle off again and go inside (didn't they just learn their lesson from the first part of the movie?). While they're gone, Mentor's daughter gets sick and starts shape-shifting and going on rampages, killing people and destroying their ship. First, she turns into a combination of Chewbacca, the Cowardly Lion and Shelob. When they finally get her to calm down, she then turns into her dad, Mentor (wth?). Then she turns into a dark, 1950s horror movie version of the love-child of Sigmund from Sigmund and the Sea Monsters and Swamp Thing. This is where the movie gets stupidly ridiculous. The people in the space ship (or station!?) follow her outside as she's jumping all over the surface of the moon? They end up LITERALLY running around in circles for aobut 15 minutes.

There wasn't too many jokes in this episode, although for more than the first half, they were all pretty funny and were centered around Dairy Queen. It was interesting to see MST3K so early along, it definitely changed so much through the years. I think it definitely got funnier as time went on. Definitely worth watching though, pretty good episode for such a mind-blowing horrible film.

Final Fantasy Dissidia (Updated 11.01.08)

This game seems absolutely amazing. I can't wait for it. For those of you who don't know, Final Fantasy Dissidia is a fighting game based off the first 10 games in the Final Fantasy series.

So here's the breakdown, Chaos (the main antagonist from Final Fantasy I, who is later expanded in Dawn of Souls to be the soul from which other Final Fantasy enemies were created like Cerberus from FF3, Scarmiglione from FF4, Gilgamesh from FF5 and Ultros from FF6, among many others), assembles a group of the greatest villains together for an ultimate showdown against his rival, Cosmos. In retaliation, Cosmos brings together the greatest heroes together to defend her and fight against Cosmos. That's all we really know right now. But who needs to know more?

The character roster for this game reads like the MVP of the greatest RPGS of the past twenty years. For each Final Fantasy, there is a protagonist and an antagonist. Each character has their own individual EX Form or Mode, where they can gain increased stats along with changes in form. Here is each of the characters by Final Fantasy title:

Cosmos (Pic) - Leader of the Heroes.
Chaos (Pic) - Leader of the Villains. Alluded to being the spawn of great evils in Dawn of Souls.

Final Fantasy I:
Hero - Warrior of Light (Pic) (Full) (Knight Form) Knows more about the crystals than the other heroes. Has a special antagonistic relationship with Squall. Is an all-around fighter who uses both magic and weapons.
Villain - Garland (Pic) (Full) (EX Mode) Weapon can change shapes, split into two swords. Has four magic attacks, based on Lich, Kary, Kraken and Tiamat. Armor turns white, is covered with runes and sword splits into four swords in EX Mode.

Final Fantasy II:
Hero - Firion (Pic) (Full) Uses seven different weapons, each being one used original by other characters in Final Fantasy 2.
Villain - The Emperor Mateus (Pic) (Full) Heavy magic user. EX Form based off of his demon form.

Final Fantasy III:
Hero - Onion Knight (Pic) (Full) (Sage Form) (Ninja Form) Can turn into both Ninja and Sage EX forms to increase speed/damage or magic.
Villain - Cloud of Darkness (Pic) (Full) (EX Mode) Uses tentacles to attack.

Final Fantasy IV:
Hero - Cecil (Pic) (Full Paladin Form) (Dark Knight Form) (EX Mode) Can switch forms at will from Paladin, which uses magic and aerial attacks, to Dark Knight, which has brute strength and uses ground attacks.
Villain - Golbez (Pic) (Full) (EX Mode) Summons Shadow Dragon in EX Form, powerful from long ranges.

Final Fantasy V:
Hero - Bartz (Pic) (Full) Can use any hero's weapons or spells, similar to the Mime job class.
Villain - Exdeath (Pic) (Full) (EX Mode) Can use the powers of the Void, becomes his Tree form in EX Form.

Final Fantasy VI:
Hero - Terra (Pic) Edit: (EX Mode) (Old info: Can become her Esper Form (Art) (2) in EX Mode.)
Villain - Kefka (Pic)

Final Fantasy VII:
Hero - Cloud (Pic) Uses his Buster Sword.
Villain - Sephiroth (Pic) May have special motives against the Warrior of Light and Squall.

Final Fantasy VIII:
Hero - Squall (Pic) (Full) (EX Mode) His EX Mode transforms his sword into the Lionheart.
Villain - Ultimecia (Pic) (Full) (EX Mode) (2) Is a "magic-shooter" character. Her EX Mode is a combination with Griever.

Final Fantasy IX:
Hero - Zidane (Pic) (Full) (EX Mode) Uses Mage Mashers. EX Mode is his Trance Form, Dyne (Pic).
Villain - Kuja (Pic) (Full) (EX Mode) EX Mode is his Trance Form, Trance Kuja (Pic).

Final Fantasy X:
Hero - Tidus (Pic) (Full) (EX Mode) Uses his Brotherhood sword and a Blitzball to attack. His Brotherhood sword turns into the Ultima Weapon in EX Mode.
Villain - Jecht (Pic) (Full) (EX Mode) Based off his Braska Final Aeon Form (Pic).


Man, I can't wait to see some of these characters EX Forms in action. A few I can't wait for are Terra's Esper EX Form and Kefka's Fallen Angel form (Pic), along with Sephiroth's Fallen Angel form (Art), also! Hopefully, we'll see some other Final Fantasy characters sneak up in the game as secret characters. I'd love to see Astos from Final Fantasy I, Kain Highwind and Edge from Final Fantasy IV, Faris and Gilgamesh from Final Fantasy V, Locke, Shadow and/or Setzer from Final Fantasy VI, Vincent from Final Fantasy VII, and Auron from Final Fantasy X. It'd also be amazing to Chrono or Magus from Chrono Trigger and either Sora, Riku, or Roxas from Kingdom Hearts. This is all just dreams/speculation of course, but I imagine there will be some fun surprises in store for Dissidia.

I mean, could you imagine Edge and Shadow fighting each other? Or Kuja fighting Magus? Chrono and Cloud or Riku and Cecil? The possibilities would be endless if they were to expand the horizons. Supposedly, there are definitely going to be characters that are not on the sides of Cosmos or Chaos. So we'll have to wait and see...

Anyway, here are some of the subtitled trailers for Dissidia.







And the official site is here.

LMN - Personal Indiscretions (Primal Doubt)

Yikes. This movie is certainly MST3K-worthy. Can I first say I love watching absolutely awful, cheesy Lifetime movies?

First of all, I have to say that this is one of the better ones. Top 5% and it was still terrible! Okay, so Janine Turner plays a stay-at-home wife romance novelist who is really bored with her marriage because her husband's a big time jerk (wow, something new for Lifetime!). So she decides to go on a dating website and have a look around. She ends up having what the police call a "cyber-affair" as they keep e-mailing back and forth, eventually leading to a face to face meeting for lunch. After the face to face lunch, they decide to meet again, where Janine sits in her car, arguing with herself in the rear-view mirror about how they're "just going to talk". She knocks on the door and no one comes to the door. So she decides to have a look around inside the house (trespassing) and ends up finding her cyber-lover-chat-guy dead in his home with his throat slit.

This is where the movie descends into everyone being killed, thus being labeled as a "thriller". It becomes a guessing game of who's killing everyone, whether it be the best friend, the therapist, the daughter, the husband, the maid, the movie even alludes to the girlfriend of the cyber-lover who committed suicide.

Anyway, this one wasn't actually the worst Lifetime movie I've ever seen. It was a lot better than most, although the acting was absolutely terrible. Janine's best friend, Holly, was especially annoying, her banter with Janine's husband was laughable at best. Janine also had her moments where she just looked absolutely dumb-founded, staring blankly at the screen like she couldn't even say her own name. It was actually pretty funny.

It's too bad that it was getting to late because I wanted to watch the next movie, "To Have and To Hold", which was EXCEPTIONALLY bad and cheesy!

The Shipwrecked Men - Cabeza De Vaca

This is the book I've started reading lately. It's in the "Great Journeys" series by Penguin Books Ltd. What drew me to the book was the beautiful cover by David Pearson and Victoria Sawdon. The book is pretty interesting, very short, and so far, pretty vague. It's about 147 pages and is De Vaca's letters describing what happened to him and the men he was traveling with from Spain to the new world.

As I said, it's a pretty interesting book, I'll let you know more when I'm finished.

MST3K Episode #516 - Alien From L.A.

My, my, my. Kathy Ireland (the queen of Sports Illustrated) stars in this incredibly stupid movie. So Kathy Ireland is a geeky nerd (what the hell!?) with the most annoying voice in the world. Her mom is dead, her dad is an explorer and hasn't seen her in 10 years and her boyfriend just broke up with her. Could things get much worse?

Then she finds out her dad has died also while on an archaeological dig in Africa...? I don't think it's ever explained where he disappeared/died. So off Kathy goes to find her missing/deceased father. When she gets to Africa, she goes into the tomb site where her dad supposedly died and ends up falling into a portal that takes her where...?

THE LOST CITY OF ATLANTIS!!! Doesn't that sound marvelous? Too bad "Atlantis" is a bunch of sewer-type subway post-apocalyptic warehouses connected by stone caverns with mist flying everywhere (so cliche, isn't it?). So she's running around, trying to find to find her dad, while being hunted down as an "alien from the surface" or "big bone girl".

I mean, this movie is just stupid. The premise is stupid and the whole delivery is just plain annoying. It's so 80s too that it almost makes you sick. Whoever got the great idea to have Kathy Ireland (remember, this is KATHY IRELAND we're talking about here) be a nerd with an incredibly high voice who goes on a journey to Atlantis to find a father she doesn't even know was an absolute moron. I mean, any fool could come up with this.

Here, how about this. Tom Hanks is a mute paraplegic who's wife divorces him. His daughter, played by none other than Uwe Boll favorite, Tara Reid, is kidnapped by the Yakuza in a drug cartel (Reid is a heroine addict in the film who's missing her left arm) accident gone horribly wrong. So Hanks gets together with some old buddy from Vietnam, Sylvester Stallone, to take on the whole nation of Japan. But when he gets there, he falls through a time portal and has to save his daughter from a tyrant samurai ninja warlord.

What do you think?